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my life ^.^ unzipped
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I decided to go ahead and try to get in the game and start an Etsy store. I want to sell cute things I make and I talk about it - but I never do it! So here is my first attempt. Hopefully this will encourage/inspire more projects out of me.
Hope everybody had a good halloween. Mine was a bit stressful, as I was organizing the company halloween party (my own idea -blah!). But now that its over, I feel good about it. I also saw Joe's band play at Tir na Nog on Thursday and saw Goodbye, Titan on Saturday. So it was a relaxing weekend (minus being on call) and had good music. I'll try to upload pictures of my costume in the coming days. | comments: Add some change!   |
| Something is wrong with me. I know that. Haha.. but sometimes I let myself indulge in these crazy fantasies because it gives my brain something to keep busy with for a while.
Today I was wondering how I'd be able to live in my car and travel the country with max. I'm gonna dwell on this for a while and plot and plan. I doubt it'll ever happen - its kind of like the Thailand trip maybe. But I want to toss this around a while. | | comments: 3 pieces of pocket lint... or Add some change! |
| I paid all my bills and I'm feeling good ATM about money. That is a statement I don't get to say everyday. I mean I'm still about $7K in debt but I've been making steady payments and I feel I've seen the balances go down and I'm not running short on money and needing to use my cards at all lately. Maybe its because I haven't been going out to drink or to music shows for a while, but I've been so tired with my new schedule it hasn't been a money decision as much as an energy one.
Next weekend is Beth and Ian's birthday and I'd like to get them some nice gifts but I'm not really sure how much I should spend on them. I'm going to hit the internet and try to find some deals. EDIT* Well Beth's gift is really fun and ian's gift .. isn't. Haha -.-;; I got him the fundamentals of engineering study book and a resource guide that he will need to review for the exam, and I got Beth a fully loaded Mario cart bundle. Including one extra controller so all three of us can play, three steering wheels and of corse the game. I'm feeling pretty happy with myself - even though I spent more money then I intended.
In other hopeful news, I think the company will know soon where it stands on the budget. I might be reading things wrong, but lately my boss has been getting every ones evaluations in order - his reasoning so that they will be able to be paid the full amount that they've earned due to seniority. Right now they've freezed every bodies pay and reduced our wages by 3% because the government was cutting back on a lot of social programs that our nonprofit relies on to stay afloat, but none of that was set in stone until the budget for the next year was passed. If budget cuts aren't as bad as expected 5.5% we all get back the 3% in one nice big check for the past 3 months. OK its about $240, but that's $240 bucks I'd like to have. So hopefully that'll be coming my way .. or I'm misreading the whole situation and my boss likes to keep up with his evals more then anybody else in the company - well that wouldn't surprise me either. | | comments: 1 piece of pocket lint... or Add some change! |
| I had an urge to write and get on the computer this morning. It might be this incessant rain that's been pouring down for over a week it feels. If you've written interesting things in your journal and want me to read it, leave me a comment. I went and read a few people's blogs .. mostly in longing of missing seeing them in person. I've been weary off social outings lately. Outings mean spending money, plus my schedule is so backwards from everybody else. I've been really missing Joe and Elene but there really isn't much I can do to see them. The running joke between be and Beth is we have to go to a show or eat in his section to get a word with Joe. Sometimes I take the distance in our friendship very hard.
Work is going very well. I've settled down into the schedule and have stopped suffering from slight stress and anxiety of the change. I've been plowing through my daily todo lists and I hope I'm impressing everybody with my attention to details and thorough attitude to all my responsibilities. All my employees seem to like me and respect me, even if I still feel like I'm not as useful on shift with the residents. I'll hole up in the office to get paperwork done and nobody holds it against me. I'm slightly annoyed how often I'm still getting the "How do you like Spring Glenn/your new position/the change question. I know people are just being polite or generally care, but when the same person asks multiple times a week - I guess I'm just starting to feel like they have no idea what else to talk to me about. I'm trying to be very approachable and its weird to be in a position where I actually feel like someones boss. People apologize when they come to ask me to do something or ask a question which I find absurd. I'd rather them ask and do a good job then not bother me and let something go undone. Anyway, I'm very happy I made this change and find the new house/boss/job VERY refreshing. I talk with my old peeps and see how they are still frustrated and I feel bad for leaving Quail Roost - but my intentions with staying with the company are way more long term then their own so its good I got out of that situation as don't get burnt out.
Other small notes. My coworkers think I love my dog more then Ian which isn't true - its just way more appropriate to tell dog stories then bf stories at work. The weekend of Oct 2 & 3 is going to be a huge blast! Its Beth and Ian's birthday as well as the adopting of Max and Doxie party weekend!
Emotional note. The weather is changing and I feel the excitement rattle through me. Fall and Winter bring out the romantic in me. Cups of Hot Chocolate. Big Warm Sweaters. Brisk walks with gloved hands. Smores. A Warm bed and the cold air that keeps me in it. The world turning blush and orange. Pumpkin cake and seeds. The reward of skin on skin when it finally contacts each other. Seeing your breath. Warm meals shared with others seems all the more rewarding. I'm so excited. I'm so so excited. I'm kind of emotional in general. I feel many things could make me cry on the drop of a dime nowadays. Two weeks ago I was at church and I saw all the married couples, expecting mothers and newlyweds and I seriously sat there and quietly cried to myself because of how bad that urge runs through my blood. I think the disappointment stems from just never really knowing if and when I'll ever have that. I'm a planner and its hard to enjoy the future when you have nothing to plan for. I mean I'm excited that next May me and Beth want to find a house with a yard and move together. But as much as we joke about being heterosexual life partners, and not breaking up the kids (our dogs), one day I'd like to be planning a future with a lover, not just a best friend. | | comments: 1 piece of pocket lint... or Add some change! |
| I like how with fall comes chilly mornings. I'll go potty and run back to bed and kick my feet around and feel snuggly.
Mornings to myself.
I dislike: how when the dogs are thirsty they make this awful tongue smack noise. And they'd rather be thirsty then go downstairs and get out of bed.
My neighbors talking loudly outside for over an hour. It's hard to sleep in.
How I can never leave my job on time or get everything done or work fully on shift. I like it but there is so much that needs doing.
Never seeing Ian or beth on weekdays. They are in bed before I get home from work.
I wish I had more likes. Everything else that comes to mind is todo stuff.
Pay bills
sew costumes (1 Lolita one piece one bunny costume)
play some ff12
exercise daily
get flu shot and hair cut
work work work | | comments: 2 pieces of pocket lint... or Add some change! |
| Sam nudged me, so I guess I should update...
I worked my first week at my new job and it went quiet well. Its the same job but more work because its 3 times the amount of paperwork because I have 15 residents. I'm supposed to work on shift and fill out their daily documentation while balancing sequestering myself in an office and doing other projects as well. That part stresses me out - and shower time because getting 3 or 4 people ready for bed is very difficult when they all are doing it at the same time and if you don't catch them at the right moment they'll help themselves to sleep without completing all the personal care that should be done. I'm sure with time everything will become routine and less stressful.
We got bored and shaved the dog today.
 
( Read more ) | | comments: 3 pieces of pocket lint... or Add some change! |
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That's my pretty new car! I named it Hugi. I went with the Honda Fit Sport. It was an extra $2k, but I felt the extra additions like cruise control were worth it. The Yaris would have been more affordable but it wasn't as pleasing to the eye to me, although the lifetime warranty it came with was appealing. I love my car every time I look at it and it feels like I've been driving it all my life. I folded down the back seats to a flat bed so it is more like the jeep and I can't complain about having a radio and AC and locked doors and good gas mileage (my average is 26.6 mpg right now). Through the state credit union I have a 3.9 interest loan so its like I just have another student loan .. lol. I need to be less frivolous with my money now to afford it but I have no regrets.
Other things to note, Ian rocks my world. Gray Young is playing at the Cat's Cradle and that's awesome. Tomorrow is my last day of work till the weekend = Awesome. I've started exercising regularly and my cold is finally getting better. Job interview Friday and then Joe's Vynal Release show that night - You should come out - Pinhook in Durham! And Saturday I'm headed up to Lburg to see JesJes and Anne's new house!
Maybe the next update will have some pictures from my Florida vacation and the New Jersey anime convention huh?
Bonus video of me playing with Kaneaux and a balloon | | comments: 5 pieces of pocket lint... or Add some change! |
| I'm afraid of my friends page. I haven't checked in in two weeks .. so i dunno if I'll ever get caught back up - I imagine I won't. So if there is any interesting going on in your life, please call me or lets hang out, because I care, I just have no interest in keeping up through this media. I'm gonna keep updating here sporadically because I want to remember whats going on in my life.
Things are good. I didn't get the promotion, so I was disappointed - but Beth did and my first reaction was to be happy for her before confronting my own dissatisfaction. Its a promotion I've wanted for over a year so of course I'm upset that I was the runner up - but I always try to look at the bigger picture. I've put in a letter of interest to transfer to a new location with a similar job that's a little bit of a mix of the job I have now and the promotion I wanted. Its Monday through Friday 2pm-10pm. Not as good of hours as the SDSC position but I'd still have Saturdays and Sundays to visit my brother and grandma on the weekends. Again its all wait and see.
The new trade in deals makes buying a car very attractive. Ian has been helping me research stuff and I've taken some online tests (lol) and I'm tossing around the idea of test driving a Honda Fit, Toyota Yaris, Nissan Versa - although I like the Fit best. The main challenge is the Jeep is still in my mom's name even though I'm the one who paid for it. At the time I was just a high schooler and it was easier to get the name in her name and pay her monthly. Now the law says you must have owned the car for a year and so she can't sign it over to me before we try to trade it in .. so will there be complications with the financing if we try to get a new car? We are gonna go test drive cars tomorrow and talk to people about how it would work. I don't think my mom has good enough credit that I'd be able to finance through her again. I have good credit but can you pay for a vehicle that's not in your name? I dunno .. lots of stuff to figure out.
Ian moved in last week. I was nervous because it was kind of a quick decision we made and we'd never spent more then 24 hours with each other prior to him moving in. So far, so good. ^.^ I enjoy having him around, Beth seems to not mind the extra boy and dog around the place, we've tucked his stuff away so that it doesn't seem too over crowded and he seems comfortable. The dogs play all the time. I dunno, this seems to be working and he's planning on crashing her for about two months or however long it takes for him to find a job and move closer to it.
That's some of the stuff going down. Maybe I'll upload pictures some day. | | comments: 4 pieces of pocket lint... or Add some change! |
| Happy Birthday to ME! Instead of dwell on how that past year sucked, I figured I'd review my life in this current moment. Because I kind think its really good right now.
Career: I am happy at RSI. I find this job fulfilling and satisfying most of the time. It does stress me out because you can never get everything done. I don't like they just cut my pay by 3%, but I realize that in this recession I'm lucky to have a stable income and the company is facing budget cuts done by the state government. I have an interview for a promotion on the 13th. Although I have good competition I think I have a decent shot at getting the job. It would have me working a more normal Mon-Fri schedule - although I would have to take on more hours and have a pager. We will see how that plays out in the next 2 weeks. If I don't get it I might casually look for a new job that I would only take if the pay was an increase and the hours were mon-fri. I'm interested in normalcy right now. I'm interested in having Sundays off to spend time with family. I want similar work hours to Ian, so that we will see each other.
Finance: I'm in a pretty decent amount of debt. I have both low interest credit cards and student loans which suck up most of my income. I'd really like to make sure I'm sticking to my weekly budget so that I'm not increasing my debt. On the small scale I know I do - but then I often buy big things, which charge the cards back up. If I move to my mom's I'll save money there. I hope to start paying everything down.
Family: My brother is in jail for the next 5 years. My mom is healthy but trapped with 4 big dogs. My grandma has Alzheimers. My sister is well. My cousin is pregnant!!!
Living arrangements: I love living with Beth. We have two dogs together and a good friendship. We seem to coexist in a pleasant way. I think I'm the more space consuming, intrusive room mate - but when I voice these concerns she doesn't seem to agree. We are thinking in a month or two we will be moving into my mothers house from our town house. This is still up in the air, but the idea of a house with Beth and a back yard would be nice. If we don't move into mom's, I think we will look into renting a place together like that come May 2010. I wish I was cleaner, but that's an always active goal.
Relationships: Me and Ian have been dating happily for almost 3 months. He makes me happy, and I hope that I add flavor to his life. Our dogs get along. It sucks that we live in different cities but my life is so busy and oddly scheduled that it probably works out better this way to be kind of separated. I don't stress him out with my crazy and I appreciate the time I do get with him even more. I love the way we interact and the way he touches me. We both are poor so its been low key and simple and fun.
Friendships: I have great friends. Beth, Josh, Elene, Joe, all my school friends, all my music friends, all my hookah friend - everybody keeps me very busy. The down side of friends is they make me spend money I'm desperately trying to save - so I often find myself wanting to be antisocial because its easier to ignore somebody then say no all the time and not have a real reason other then you are a financial drain. I never get to see my best friends enough. Most everybody has real jobs so they have free time while I'm at work and it makes it difficult to schedule a hang out. I need to make phone calls I know.
Health: I'm sick right now and have been for a few weeks. I wish that wasn't the case, but as soon as I'm feeling better I'll become more active. I miss exercising. I want to meditate more. I want to sleep less. Its just that even though I have all these goals, until my body is fine - I don't want to push myself too hard I don't want to prolong feeling better.
I can't think of any more categories - I'll try to get on the internet wagon and post pictures from the conventions, my vacation, my birthday .. and everything else! | | comments: 8 pieces of pocket lint... or Add some change! |
| "It seems to me that love is the most important thing in the world. It may be important to great thinkers to examine the world, to explain and despise it. But I think it is only important to love the world, not to despise it, not for us to hate each other, but to be able to regard the world and ourselves and all beings with love, admiration and respect."
I finished rereading Hermann Hesse's Siddartha today, and this book fills me with warm fuzzies the whole time I read it. Its going on the shelf of books I love and will always turn to when I need clarity and reminding of what I believe is true. | | comments: Add some change! |
| Ok, I'm hoping to return to the internet in a couple days. I've not been keeping up with LJ for about two weeks. I'm unapologetic about it. Its almost worth celebrating that my life has been rich and full enough that I don't need to rot on the computer. I'm terrified of my friends list which I'm sure has 600+ entries to read.
Although I believe my family is an undiscovered form of torture at times, I had a very pleasant vacation and I look forward to next year. This week is always an opportunity for introspection. Thinking about where I am in my life. Enjoy the small things. I usually get a little sad and lonely and unhappy .. but then I'm balanced out with a feeling of being a part of a loving family and that I'm cooler then everybody around me and my life is pretty awesome. Lots of ups and downs as i sleep on the beach and just listen to the constant roar of the surf.
I read the book Expecting Adam which ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) irunfar11 recommended many many years ago to me. Its a beautiful story and I think anybody looking for an uplifting book should grab it. It seemed interesting and relevant to me because its an expecting mothers experience as she went through a pregnancy of a son who was diagnosed with downs syndrome. I needed something to refuel my spirit and moral regarding my own draining job. Plus stories about people with disabilities make me smile. For the rest of my life, the love I will feel for this population will never diminish. This book was emotional crack for me. Laughing out loud and then the next paragraph crying my eyes out - I felt so much as I waded through this book. I had the same response to the movie Up, so I know I've been emotional this whole vacation. I don't think awareness of my mood swings discredits them.
I turn 24 in 12 days. I know this is part of my moodiness. I don't like my birthday - never really have. Somehow it adds another check point in which I evaluate my failures instead of my successes. Maybe that should be my goal in these coming days. To think of all the successes I've had and not dwell on the bad. I never accomplish the resolutions I id as important. I'm never out of debt, always struggling to prove to myself that I am indeed an adult, always feeling unsure of what the next days, months years have in store. Go ahead and tell me that there is no way to KNOW how the rest of your life is going to look like - but it'd be nice to have an inkling of a clue. Will I be in another country next year? Will I be stuck in chapel hill because of a house, a dog, a cell phone contract, a love? Will I get a promotion or a new job? Will things be radically different or disappointingly the same? I want clues. Hearing what you don't want to hear is more reassuring then always being left in the dark.
Me and my mom sat in the hot tub and she out of nowhere asked if I thought getting married would make me happy. I said yes and she scoffed at me like she didn't agree! HAHAHA .. whaaaaaat?! My mother has always been the poster child of believing in true love and soul mates. Her stubborn devotion to my imperfect father has always filled me full of hope that there is an equally imperfect person out there that I will love as dearly as she loved him and not consider any other living being a possible alternative. That's why marriage wigs me out. I don't believe in divorce. I don't believe you should make that commitment unless you are beyond sure that you are willing to put up with another persons bullshit and they are on the same page as you that together you can worth together through anything. Maybe I'm just scared because its so easy to change your mind, or give up, or think you've found something better. I was so sure that I wanted to spend my life with Liz and when she had her doubts and needed to date one more person before she was positive that I was the one - that just ripped a hole in my faith of another person's or even my own perseverance. I don't know how to make a relationship work anymore and I'm terrified because now more then ever I have the urge to build a life with another person. So I sat around thinking about that, thinking about how unsatisfying my relatives find their own life, thinking about happy families an the sacrifice having a child seems to present, about my cousin being pregnant and her happy marriage, about my sisters perfect appearing marriage that ended so shockingly, about how fragile we all are, about what kind of job would make me happy, about how I can make others happy. I thought a lot and I still don't know where I stand.
I do know I want cuddles and kisses from my boyfriend. I want to go out and eat cheese dip and lazily relax in the sunshine at the dog park. I want to DDR with my best friend and talk about whatever crosses our minds. I want to apply for a promotion before I go off the deep end and look for a new job. I want to sleep in my own bed.
Little attainable goals - but they make me happy. Why should I focus on the other stuff? | | comments: Add some change! |
| | Tags: | family | | Current Music: | Like Bells - Nothing Collapses | | Current Location: | Shadowood | | Subject: | Alzheimer's | | Time: | 11:46 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a322/Sycopinkbunny/moods/sadz.gif) sad |
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| I was supposed to go to Hookah Bliss with Ben for a beer and tasty smoke after work tonight but then my sister text'd me that grandma was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.
I kind of just needed to go home and read up on it. Well I drove straight to mom's and called her on the tellie and she told me not to bother coming over, that she didn't want to talk about it right before bed because then she wouldn't be able to sleep. She did let me know that she'll probably be moving in with G-ma around August and the plan is still in effect. It eases my stress to know that I don't need to be out of here so soon. Although the diagnoses doesn't really make me feel better. Jennifer was talking about some of the hallucinations grandma was having and that really scared me. I mean, she's getting mean - I can deal with that. She thinks Dr Phil is in her house - creepy.
"symptoms include confusion, irritability and aggression, mood swings, language breakdown, long-term memory loss, and the general withdrawal of the sufferer as their senses decline."
"The mean life expectancy following diagnosis is approximately seven years."
"Because AD cannot be cured and is degenerative, management of patients is essential. The role of the main caregiver is often taken by the spouse or a close relative. Alzheimer's disease is known for placing a great burden on caregivers; the pressures can be wide-ranging, involving social, psychological, physical, and economic elements of the caregiver's life. In developed countries, AD is one of the most economically costly diseases to society."
All of this stuff makes me feel like I need to change jobs. I need to have my Sunday's available so that I can visit Grandma and make her more of a priority. I need to be available to be there for my own mom as well if she is going to take on this new role/life style.
My Grandma has been pretty inflexible in routine for a while, and we realized a bit ago that she no longer can speak French (her native tongue) were those signs we ignored? Is our own denial to notice something wrong meaning she could have been diagnosed sooner?
Reading all the stages of this disease makes me want to cry. Once moderate dementia sets in I personally wouldn't want to live any more.
"Regarding economic problems, family caregivers often give up time from work to spend 47 hours per week on average with the person with AD, while the costs of caring for them are high. Direct and indirect costs of caring for an Alzheimer's patient average between $18,000 and $77,500 per year in the United States, depending on the study."
OMG WUT? Ok so all this is stressing me out .. I'm going to bed. | | comments: 8 pieces of pocket lint... or Add some change! |
| I took sleeping pills last night. Yeah, i know right? I only do that when depressed. I just wanted to have some chance of sleeping instead of worrying about things all night. Sleep was found with only mild success. I spent a lot of time on the phone last night. Talking with various people. Asking favors and collecting commitments for help in moving again. I have a good friend base, that's for sure.
My brain is filled with random details. I'll have to stay in the master bedroom because we aren't going to get rid of my mom's mahogany bedroom set. I also need my sewing desk in my room because of the whole I-sew-naked deal. Nobody wants to see that. I'm figuring if nothing else, we can move all the rest of mom's furniture to the basement so the room were cleared out and take the worst of it to the dump now. My bedroom is purple with high school pictures still glued to the wall - that needs to be fixed and John's bedroom is in good condition but usually is hard to air condition with the smallest closet and room area. All the locks need to be changed (who knows who has keys from my brothers group of friends) and ideally the kitchen door and bathroom door would need to be replaced due to damage.
The good news in the rent we'll all be contributing to is for state taxes and fixing the place up .. so about $400 a month can be put forward to repairs. The first month will be repainting and replacing damaged things. (I don't think Beth wants a purple room) .. still need to talk to Beth. At least Jennifer will be happy to live in a house with a cat, that if MAx and it can work out its differences.
I feel anxious like i need to start packing up my belongings right now. I'm off to read my lease about what my punishments will be. | | comments: Add some change! |
| I'm still trying to get caught up with picture posts. I have Joe's show and Elene's wedding. Maybe I'll get to that in a day or two.
I still need to sew a petticoat. I'm aware that I'll never finish a costume right now. I might just reuse my Kagero costume for Anime Next at this point .. but then I'll have to re-evaluate what shoes i'd wear.. I kind of want to just wear sexy boots although its not right with the charrie.
Last night me and Ian grilled. I had a good time and I thought the food was tasty. It was a successful experiment in the question of whether it was worth investing in a grill. I would enjoy doing it on nice nights. This morning our whole pack went to the dog park. It was so nice out that I didn't want to leave. I'm glad kanauex finally got to come with. He's such a cute dog.
Ok, so work now .. man i just want a nap. | | comments: 2 pieces of pocket lint... or Add some change! |
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my life ^.^ unzipped
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annoyed![[mood icon]](http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a322/Sycopinkbunny/moods/yata.gif)
accomplished![[mood icon]](http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a322/Sycopinkbunny/moods/suuheartbetter.gif)
amused![[mood icon]](http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a322/Sycopinkbunny/moods/ref.gif){kind=small}
thoughtful![[mood icon]](http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a322/Sycopinkbunny/moods/hap.gif){kind=small}
cheerful
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busy![[mood icon]](http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a322/Sycopinkbunny/moods/default.gif)
awake![[mood icon]](http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a322/Sycopinkbunny/moods/sleep.gif){kind=small}
calm![[mood icon]](http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a322/Sycopinkbunny/moods/blue.gif){kind=small}
still sick![[mood icon]](http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a322/Sycopinkbunny/moods/cynic.gif)
anxious
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sleepy